Forms of Intimate Partner Violence and Abuse

Intimate partner violence and abuse can take many forms. It is not limited to physical violence. Abuse may be ongoing, patterned, subtle, escalating, or intermittent. It may occur during a relationship, after separation, or within family court and co-parenting dynamics. The following categories are not exhaustive, and more than one form of abuse may occur at the same time.

Verbal and Emotional Abuse

Verbal and emotional abuse can include yelling, insults, putdowns, degrading comments, humiliation, name-calling, criticism, intimidation, blaming you for the abuse, minimizing your experiences, threatening to leave, threatening self-harm as a means of control, or making you feel responsible for the other person’s emotions or behaviour.

This form of abuse may also include repeated criticism of your parenting, intelligence, appearance, mental health, credibility, or worth. Over time, verbal and emotional abuse can erode confidence, increase fear, and make it harder to trust your own judgment.

Economic and Financial Abuse

Economic or financial abuse can include restricting access to money, withholding funds, taking your money, controlling spending, preventing you from having your own bank account, hiding financial information, refusing to contribute to shared expenses, forcing you to account for every purchase, or creating debt in your name.

It may also include interfering with your ability to work, attend school, obtain childcare, maintain transportation, or build financial independence. In some relationships, financial abuse continues after separation through unpaid support, hidden income, repeated financial demands, or using money as a way to maintain control.

Physical Violence and Abuse

Physical violence or abuse can include hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, pushing, grabbing, shaking, restraining, confinement, locking you in or out of a space, strangulation, choking, smothering, burning, using weapons, or physically preventing you from leaving.

Physical abuse does not need to leave visible injuries to be serious. Strangulation, choking, smothering, and threats involving weapons are particularly concerning and may indicate increased risk of serious harm or lethality.

Threats of Physical Violence

Threats of physical violence can include threatening to hurt you, threatening to kill you, destroying property, punching holes in walls, throwing objects, driving dangerously to frighten you, blocking exits, standing over you, threatening to harm people you care about, or using gestures, looks, or actions intended to intimidate.

Threats may also include implied violence, such as showing weapons, reminding you of past violence, or suggesting that no one will believe you or protect you if you seek help.

Sexual Violence and Abuse

Sexual violence or abuse can include sexual assault, unwanted sexual touching, coercion, pressure, manipulation, threats, intimidation, or guilt used to make you engage in sexual acts you do not want or have not freely agreed to.

It may also include reproductive coercion, refusing to use contraception, interfering with birth control, pressuring pregnancy or abortion decisions, non-consensual recording, sharing or threatening to share intimate images or videos, and sexual degradation. Consent must be freely given, informed, ongoing, and able to be withdrawn at any time.

Coercive Control

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour designed to dominate, intimidate, isolate, monitor, degrade, or restrict another person’s autonomy and freedom. It may include regulating daily activities, controlling who you see, where you go, what you wear, how you parent, how you spend money, or how you communicate.

Coercive control can include strategic isolation, intense jealousy, surveillance, gaslighting, threats, punishment, degradation, manipulation, limiting independence, controlling access to transportation or technology, and creating a sense that resistance will lead to consequences. The harm is often cumulative, as the person experiencing abuse may begin to change their behaviour to avoid conflict, punishment, or escalation.

Legal Abuse

Legal abuse can include using legal systems, court processes, police reports, parenting arrangements, or professional involvement as tools of harassment, punishment, intimidation, or control.

This may include deliberately causing delays, repeatedly returning to court, making vexatious or unnecessary applications, refusing to follow court orders, refusing to disclose documents, destroying evidence, making false or misleading reports, misusing protection concerns, interfering with your ability to retain legal counsel, escalating costs, or using litigation to continue contact after separation.

Legal abuse can also include using parenting time, decision-making, assessments, counselling, or professional reports to monitor, discredit, pressure, or destabilize the other parent.

Spiritual or Religious Abuse

Spiritual or religious abuse can include using faith, religious teachings, cultural expectations, or spiritual authority to justify abuse, pressure you to stay in an unsafe relationship, silence disclosure, demand obedience, or control your decisions.

It may also include mocking or degrading your beliefs, preventing you from practicing your faith, forcing religious participation, isolating you from your faith community, or using religious leaders or doctrine to shame, control, or intimidate you.

Using Children in Abuse

Using children in abuse can include involving children in adult conflict, having children report on your activities, instructing children to reject, insult, monitor, or harm you, telling children harmful or untrue things about you, using children to deliver messages, or placing children in the middle of adult issues.

It can also include threatening to take the children away, using parenting time to control you, undermining your relationship with the children, exposing children to frightening adult information, or making children feel responsible for the abusive parent’s emotions. This form of abuse can be deeply harmful to both the targeted parent and the children.

Abuse or Threats Involving Animals

Abusing animals or threatening to abuse animals can include physically harming pets, scaring or intimidating animals, neglecting their care, withholding food or veterinary treatment, threatening to give them away, threatening to kill them, or using concern for animals to pressure or control you.

Pets are often part of the family system, and threats or harm toward animals may be used to create fear, prevent someone from leaving, or punish them for asserting boundaries.

Technology-Facilitated Abuse

Technology-facilitated abuse occurs when someone uses digital tools, devices, online platforms, or technology to monitor, harass, intimidate, impersonate, exploit, or control another person.

It can include repeated unwanted texts or calls, harassment through social media, monitoring email or accounts, accessing devices without consent, using spyware, tracking location, threatening to share private information, non-consensual sharing of intimate images, impersonation, doxxing, using parenting apps abusively, or restricting access to technology.

Women’s Shelters Canada describes technology-facilitated abuse as occurring “when someone uses technology to harm or control you,” including harassing messages, restricting access to technology, non-consensually sharing intimate images, using location-tracking technology, or threatening to do these things.

Post-Separation Abuse

Abuse may continue or escalate after separation. Post-separation abuse can include stalking, harassment, threats, financial control, legal abuse, misuse of parenting arrangements, repeated breaches of boundaries, monitoring, attempts to damage reputation, or using children, professionals, or court processes to maintain access and control.

Leaving an abusive relationship does not always end the abuse. In some cases, separation can increase risk, particularly where the abusive person experiences loss of control.

Social and Reputational Abuse

Social and reputational abuse can include spreading rumours, damaging your relationships, contacting your employer, interfering with friendships, discrediting you to family or professionals, portraying you as unstable or unsafe, or using private information to shame or isolate you.

This form of abuse can be especially harmful when the abusive person presents well publicly while behaving differently in private, making it harder for others to understand what is happening.

Psychological Abuse and Gaslighting

Psychological abuse can include manipulation, intimidation, mind games, blame-shifting, denial, distortion, or repeated behaviours that cause you to question your memory, perception, or reality.

Gaslighting may involve denying things that happened, insisting you are “too sensitive,” “crazy,” “dramatic,” or “the problem,” rewriting events, accusing you of the very behaviour they are engaging in, or creating confusion to avoid accountability.

Stalking and Surveillance

Stalking and surveillance can include following you, showing up unexpectedly, repeatedly contacting you, monitoring your movements, tracking your location, watching your home or workplace, using others to gather information, monitoring social media, or making you feel that you are never fully free from observation.

Stalking can occur in person, online, through technology, or through third parties. It should be taken seriously, especially when paired with threats, jealousy, separation, or prior violence.

Isolation

Isolation can include interfering with your relationships, discouraging or preventing contact with family or friends, making social interactions feel unsafe, creating conflict with your support network, controlling transportation, monitoring communication, or making you feel guilty for spending time with others.

Isolation often increases dependency and makes it more difficult to seek support, disclose abuse, or leave safely.

Identity-Based Abuse

Identity-based abuse can include using someone’s race, culture, immigration status, disability, sexuality, gender identity, language, religion, age, or mental health against them.

This may include threats to report someone to immigration, outing someone without consent, withholding accessibility supports, mocking cultural practices, using racist or discriminatory language, threatening community rejection, or exploiting systemic barriers to increase control.

Pattern, Context, and Impact Matter

A single behaviour may not tell the full story. Intimate partner violence and abuse are best understood by looking at the pattern of behaviour, the context in which it occurs, the intent or function of the behaviour, and the impact on the person experiencing it.

Abuse often involves a repeated imbalance of power, fear, control, intimidation, and restriction of autonomy. It may not always be visible to others, and it may be minimized or denied by the person causing harm. The absence of physical injury does not mean the absence of abuse.